VETERAN OF THE CULTURE WAR
to the tune of Blue Oyster Cult's "Veteran of the Psychic Wars" (original lyrics here and a YouTube video of a live performance here, for those poor souls unfamiliar with this kick-ass tune...)
You see me now a veteran
of a thousand culture wars
I've been starin' at the tube so long
Where the clones of Limbaugh roar
And I sense their bloviation
But it's far too shrill to hear.
All those arguments have been tried...
I think it's fair to say they're speaking rectally.
Don't let those fakes go on
It's time we had a break from it...
Can't we make them leave?
They've been liars for so long
Their credibility is blown
Oh please, just let these fakes be gone!
You ask me why I'm weary
Why I pay no mind to you?
You say you're Real Americans (tm)
But that's a bunch of poo:
You imply that our new president
is a traitor on TV,
While Dubya's friends are walking...
Are you familiar with the definition of "irony"?
You let that snake go on
And rant about Nigeria:
"WMDs!"
There was nothin' there to find
They were messing with our minds
How can we let those snakes go free?
(23-minute guitar solo -- elided)
You see me now a victim
of mendacious right-wing boors --
My patience is exhausted
And my tolerance destroyed.
You've filled up all your airtime
Spouting nutjob fallacies:
"Progressives are TEH EVIL!!!"
How dare you motherfuckers impugn our loyalties?
A healthy public discourse
is based on fact not fantasy.
You flushed that out to sea!
So we've been livin' with the smell
Of our country gone to hell --
Oh please, just let these fakes begone.
Don't let these fakes go on...
Alert the ICC!
Don't let the snakes go free!